The Tears Diminishing Bravo TV
Where emotions can be a revelation within reality television, they can also be a weapon of mass production.
Paige DeSorbo and Ciara Miller had just finished telling Kyle Cooke his wife, Amanda Batula, was increasingly frustrated at his lack of support in her endeavors. “She compromises on everything for you Kyle, everything,” Miller says to Cooke during the heated exchange on Bravo TV’s Summer House. While Batula has remained an adamant supporter of her and Cooke’s alcohol and spritz company LoverBoy, now she wants to explore more of her passions and interests. Cooke, however, appeared unenthusiastic about this, having an emotional moment with his friend on the show, Carl Radke. Cooke walks back to the girls, now with Batula, breaks down into tears, gets comforted, and the support his wife needs and questions surrounding how she would attain it, evaporate.
Men becoming more in touch with their emotions has been a decades-long battle. Whether it be caused by hypermasculine movie scenes like Jacob Elordi slamming his fist on a car to make the girl he likes obey him or the reality of misdirected and unchecked aggression, women are encouraging their male partners, friends, husbands, fathers, cousins, etca, etca, etca (word to The Mindy Project), to unpack their trauma and find healthier ways to communicate how they feel. Complications arise, in part, due to the difference between how men and women regulate their emotions; caused by a myriad of reasons including societal expectations, socialization, and pressures.
“The data suggests that there is a massive need for mental healthcare for men and boys. Men are twice as likely than women to have problems with substance abuse, half as likely to seek medical care in the case of an overdose, and men die by suicide at four times the rate of women. Beginning in adolescence, boys and men are less likely to seek out healthcare. This means that while women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, men are less likely to be diagnosed at all,” Psychology Today reported last year.
Previous norms meant men could not show their emotions and were policed from an early age not to. Such phrases as “toughen up,” “boys don’t cry,” or “fight back,” could be heard from older men. Times have changed and improvements have begun; such as societal shifts in the acceptance and support of mental health — the understanding of mental health as a foundational good for overall health.
“There is clearly growing recognition that we have to reframe mental health care and our approach to addressing the mental health needs of men. Early indications are that when we do this, men are willing to engage in addressing their mental health challenges,” Arthur Evans Jr., the chief executive at the American Psychological Association, shared with the New York Times in an email. “For instance, he said, it helps to reframe therapy as an opportunity to become strong or well, rather than a treatment for mental illness.”
There is less stigma in mainstream media for men to meditate, go to therapy, try workouts that are mentally stimulating such as yoga and pilates rather than just weightlifting, and other wellness tools to aid emotional regulation. And while there remains work to be done —in 2020, 15 per cent of men reported getting psychotropic medications or therapy in the past year compared with 26 per cent of women — positive improvements can be seen each year.
While I see these improvements and am an advocate for men’s mental health, I am also witness to the ways men are manipulating this journey for their gain, and looking through the lens of Bravo TV it becomes increasingly obvious.
Receipts, proof, timeline, and screenshots…
Manufactured tears are used in reality television to punctuate a scene or act as a transition to the next one, by use of production. An example of this was in “The Dinner Party From Hell,” S1EP9, Real Housewives of Beverley Hills scene where Kyle Richards gets emotional as her sister, Kim Richards, threatens to reveal secrets of former cast member Lisa Rinna. Kyle strains a “What is wrong with you” at her sister, appearing teary-eyed and choked up, but it is simply to allow her to evade taking any responsibility (in my opinion) for Kim’s threats. Kyle’s emotions enable her to sit in the passenger seat and remain in the good graces of her colleagues, as she allows Kim to fall on the sword. It is a tactic she has used since the start of the show, even more recently to avoid questions surrounding the supposed end of her marriage. While Kyle is the reigning queen of such a phenomenon, the stakes are far greater for the men of Bravo TV, who routinely use their tears to evade accountability and personal growth, particularly when tied to harming those around them.
The problem is not these men being in tune enough to sit down and communicate, cry, or their ability to regulate their emotions, but that this is done in tandem with consistently negative, borderline abusive, behaviour. When Jax Taylor sits with his wife, Brittany Cartwright, in earlier seasons of Vanderpump Rules and admits he cheated on her and will work on himself, he later cheats on her again. When Tom Sandoval breaks down and cries during the Vanderpump Rules reunion for cheating on Ariana Madix, in that same reunion he insults her. When Madix revealed he was still sleeping with her during the affair, Sandoval says, “Oh she kept her T-shirt on it was really hot,” in a sarcastic tone. The men of Bravo TV have learned how tears help make them appear forgivable and use this gaze to manipulate their largely women audiences.
Sandoval was caught in a web of his lies when in 2023 it was revealed he cheated on Madix with mutual friend Raquel Leviss (who now goes by Rachel). Sandoval and Madix were romantically involved for nine years, at least seven months of which were spent in an affair with Leviss. The affair rocked the Bravo TV world, further revealing Sandoval to be a “villain” on the show, but shockingly landed him a redemption arc on the most recent season of Vanderpump Rules. In the season finale, Sandoval says, “That was good for me,” of the show, hinting his collaboration with the cast to paint Madix as the aggressor and he the victim, worked. A collaboration every member of the cast went along with, except Katie Maloney, who was then also painted as an aggressor by the cast and crew. Tom Schwartz was aware Sandoval was having an affair, Schwartz kissed castmate Scheana Shay while with his former wife, Maloney, and kept it a secret, after he and Maloney broke up, Schwartz broke her one rule and dated her friend, and the list goes on. Still, he hides behind a kitschy personality, where just because he offers a gentle tone and infantilizes his expressions, he believes he can evade any blame or responsibility for his actions. When his new friend in the most recent season, Jo, finally admits to having romantic feelings for Schwartz, he takes little accountability for his role in that development but rather uses a baby tone to address her as she cries — he doubles down at the reunion.
Mr. “Summer should be fun” House Cooke, is likely the king of emotional regulation appearing as manipulation. Even as he cries, he manages to tear down things around him and create sympathizers. Cooke is the founder and chief executive of Loverboy, a brand of hard teas, sparkling drinks, and spritzes. Cooke and Batula are viewed as the hosts of Summer House, having been the initial couple viewers were introduced to. Eight seasons later, Batula and other castmates have had spars with Cooke over his unchanging behaviour and ability to center his feelings in conversations. In this season of Summer House, both of those characteristics led to a massive blowout in which Cooke calls Batula a “bitch,” storms away, slams the door, and throws his shoes at the wall, before breaking down into tears. When Batula reveals any wants or needs to Cooke, such as not staying out late, it is flipped back at her. In several instances, Cooke’s behaviour is rationalized by his friends, especially when he begins to cry. Then, there’s Radke.
When I think of Radke and watch him as a viewer, I am reminded of Adam Sandler’s character in the 2003 film Anger Management, in which Jack Nicholson playing Dr. Buddy Rydell says there are two types of angry people, implosive and explosive — Radke is implosive. The nice guy act is also apparent with him, but now and then it is obvious when he has taken control of a situation and is using it in his favour, such as with his former fiancé and castmate (and my angel) Lindsay Hubbard. Radke is sober and has undergone a lot of struggle, including the loss of his brother to drug abuse. For this, I am empathetic to his side, only to the extent that it is exceedingly obvious this season of Summer House he set out to humiliate and tarnish the image of Hubbard, poking and antagonizing her every chance he got. When they are holding a conversation regarding their future, in multiple instances, Radke slams his hands on surfaces around him or raises his voice (such as he did to previous castmate Jules). But in the next scene, he appears hurt by Hubbard, speaking in a calmer and kinder tone to other castmates about their conversation, and twisting contexts to fit his narrative. This hyperawareness of the cameras is akin to West Wilson.
Wilson in this list might be a surprise to many, the newbie on Summer House and quick crowd favourite, did not make it in my good books as he came on the show too studied and too well of a reality television student. Like Radke, I believe Wilson knows of the woman gaze and the charms required to be in reality television’s good graces. Wilson, a sports journalist working at Complex News, plays the underdog. He comes into the house and falls in step with Miller, but repeatedly testifies he is surprised she chose him, explaining he did not feel of equal attractiveness to her. He proceeds to play boyfriend-girlfriend, all while attempting to sleep with her (not pressuring her) and still seeing other women. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, except he is using Miller to establish an image of a “nice guy,” but is not investing anything into the “relationship” as remarked by Miller herself. He’s new but these characteristics have me drawing early comparisons to Schwartz. When Miller and other castmates ask Wilson about committing, he constantly asks for more relational investments from Miller while dangling the commitment in front of her.
All roads lead to production. The lens through which production films, question castmates, and arrange narratives and plots, is in perfect service for the men on the show, knowing the internal misogyny of some women viewers, and the empathetically inclined nature of women, will consistently allow it. This is not to ignore the women of Bravo TV — Scheana Shay, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Lala (Lauren) Kent, Gizelle Bryant, Ashley “Forehead” Darby, Danielle Olivera, and more — who contribute to this manipulation, but rather to understand the tornado of misogyny that allows these men to exhibit these behaviours.
While some of these men are more extreme examples of the other, untangling the traits that encourage manipulative behaviours helps us all, and reducing them on reality television makes for far better TV.