The Story of Pregnancy After a Birth Control Recall, Medical Racism, and the Blessing in Disguise
Kokoa Lawson is a happy and proud single mother, breaking down stigmas one lesson at a time in the wine country.
WHAT COLOR DEFINES KOKOA LAWSON?
Turquoise. The blues in turquoise is calming but there's some fire behind the overall color that makes you feel alive. Turquoise ignites me to do things. What draws me to it is the brilliance of the color; it makes me feel like I'm ready to get out there and take the world by the horns.
Kokoa Lawson is a 36-year-old mother and actress, currently employed within the sales industry in Temecula, California — an area she excitedly exclaims as the wine country. California born and raised, as she describes herself, she also has with her a midwest and southern mix. Lawson’s mother is from Kentucky and her father from the south side of Chicago. She is the middle child with her 30-year-old brother below her and her 41-year-old sister above her. On her upbringing, Lawson has nothing but gratitude.
“I had a great upbringing; my parents showed us a lot of love and support. As a little girl, the two things they put an emphasis on was to be strong and a God-fearing woman,” Lawson says to Palette. “Now, I have a passion for helping people, I love to volunteer in the community. I am a single mom with a little eight-year-old girl, and I pour everything I have into being a mom.”
WHEN DID YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN?
“It wasn't a conscious decision. I was in a relationship for two and a half years and then got caught up in a birth control recall.
I went to my doctor thinking I was super tired and sick and my doctor said, ‘We've had a couple of women come in because the pills you have been taking were mislabeled.’ I was taking Ortho Tri Cyclen and they had been around since the 70s so I trusted them. I had no issues with it and had been taking them since I was 18 years old. My whole life changed because of an error on their part, not my part, and I no longer take that pill.
I wish I pursued the [incident] legally but my doctor told me birth control is considered 97, or so, percent effective. My doctor said it would be hard to seek litigation due to that but I wish I pursued it because I was being responsible.
I had always hoped I’d get married and it'd be this huge celebration and then I would have children. At the time, I was on a break with my [daughter’s father]. I was living in San Francisco and he got relocated to LA. He came to San Francisco for an Adele concert, of which I had bought him tickets to, months prior to our break. It was one night in August and September 1, 2011, I found out I was pregnant.
Thankfully, I was at a place in my life where I had a good job and could support myself and so if things didn't work out with him, I could have handled it. I always thought I'd have kids after age 30 and get married but I think the universe knows what you need when you need it. Now, Harlyn, who turned eight in May, is the best thing to ever happen to me. I was going wild and partying in my late twenties and she gave me perspective. She was not planned but she is a beautiful gift.”
WHO WERE YOUR ROLE MODELS FOR MOTHERHOOD GROWING UP? WHAT DID THEY TEACH YOU?
“First of all my mom; she's such a strong woman. She grew up with divorced parents but it didn't seem to bring her down. I don’t know much of the details but through her childhood, she was very resilient. She was a teacher for 30 plus years, then retired when my daughter was born.
I watched ‘The Cosby Show’ and wanted to be Clair Huxtable. I always wanted to be a great mom and super successful. Some women are told they can't have both but look at Clair; she was a lawyer, was still present for her children, she was Black, and lived in the city, in New York. I was like, that's what I want.
At my age, I look at Michelle Obama a lot. I'm 36 but I'd like to have kids in the future. I know she had her children later and I like her transparency on the matter. She said it was important for her to be established before becoming a mom. I see her as an older mom and I see myself at 36, and it tells me I can still do it. It inspires me and tells me, you don’t have to change your plans, you can have everything. I do want to get married and have more children and I feel like I can because of women like her.”
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED WHILE BEING A MOTHER YOURSELF?
“No book, no article, no actual person can prepare you for it. It is not for the faint of heart, it's not easy. It looks like it can be easy but the world doesn't tell you. Everyone prepares you for the baby and the pregnancy, but no one tells you the person shows up, and then it's your job to take care of them. No one tells you about is it a fever or are they just hot? No one tells you the answers to the crazy questions they have.
You have to decide the type of mother you want to be and that may be different than the mothers you saw growing up. But, you have to pave your own way. You have to be okay with the type of mom you're gonna be. If you're the type of mom who allows your child to have M&Ms for breakfast then be that mom. I let my daughter wear crop tops in dance class and at the beach — if we’re teaching our daughters to be self-assured then who am I to call out her midriff? I've been a mom longer than eight years and I say to my mom, this is how I want to raise her. Sometimes my mom disagrees but to me, as long as she's healthy and happy, then I'm good.”
On Saturday, 24-year-old social media influencer Nicole Thea died during childbirth, along with her unborn son. Thea’s passing is another instance of the disturbing trend Black women face during pregnancy and childbirth. According to the CDC, women in America are more likely to die from childbirth or pregnancy-linked issues than women in other parts of the developed world. For Black women, the CDC says the likelihood of pregnancy-related deaths is three to four times higher than that for white women.
Thea is not alone — where there are deaths, there are also close calls and cries ignored. Prominent figures such as Serena Williams and Beyoncé have spoken openly about their struggles during childbirth. Williams, in a Vogue profile, opened up about her history with blood clots and suspected she was having a similar issue during the birth of her daughter, Olympia. But, her calls for help were ignored.
“She walked out of the hospital room so her mother wouldn’t worry and told the nearest nurse, between gasps, that she needed a CT scan with contrast and IV heparin (a blood thinner) right away,” the profile reads. “The nurse thought her pain medicine might be making her confused. But Serena insisted, and soon enough a doctor was performing an ultrasound of her legs. ‘I was like, a Doppler? I told you, I need a CT scan and a heparin drip,’ she remembers telling the team. The ultrasound revealed nothing, so they sent her for the CT, and sure enough, several small blood clots had settled in her lungs. Minutes later she was on the drip. ‘I was like, listen to Dr. Williams!’”
These incidents are also well documented. The Harvard Public Health magazine published a piece titled, “America Is Failing Its Black Mothers” in 2019. In it, author Amy Roeder wrote, “Following decades of decline, maternal deaths began to rise in the United States around 1990—a significant departure from the world’s other affluent countries.”
Roeder continued, “By 2013, rates had more than doubled. The CDC now estimates that 700 to 900 new and expectant mothers die in the U.S. each year, and an additional 500,000 women experience life-threatening postpartum complications. More than half of these deaths and near deaths are from preventable causes, and a disproportionate number of the women suffering are Black.”
This is an experience Lawson, unfortunately, had a story for.
DID YOU EXPERIENCE ANY ISSUES DURING PREGNANCY/CHILDBIRTH?
“I have to say I was very blessed. I was in San Francisco when I got pregnant at the UCSF School of Medicine and one of my girlfriends was the head of childbirth at the prenatal center. Then, shortly after, I moved to LA and my cousin was head of prenatal at Cedar Sinai. She delivered my baby and for the birth, I didn't have any complexities. The issue came with my labor.
My actual labor was challenging, my water never broke, so I was having the worst contractions. I was also a couple of days overdue. When I arrived at the hospital, I had not reached the section where my cousin was and the nurses who saw me kept trying to send me home. I think they think Black women are physically stronger or we are making up when we are in pain. It took six hours before they admitted me. At one point, they even asked me to try and walk; I could barely walk and they kept holding me back from entering to see my cousin.
Back then, it wasn't as talked about as much as it is now. In hospitals, Black women are dying.
Though during the birth I got phenomenal care, had my cousin not been the one in charge, I wouldn't have gotten that care. There was a woman who ended up bleeding out in that same hospital. Her husband kept asking for them to check on her and they wouldn't. Had I not had my cousin could that have been me?
It saddens me to know so many Black women are losing their lives or children because doctors aren't listening to them. I've had doctors in general hospitals do that. I believe it is so important to have an advocate; whether it be your partner, doula, or even a Black woman doctor. I also had a written birth plan with me.”
HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE BEING A MOTHER AND BEING A BLACK MOTHER?
“Having the responsibility to keep a very small person alive is being a mother. You are responsible for making sure they are healthy, alive, and supported, 365 days 24/7 times a day. As they age, society says they worry for themselves but they don't. My mom still says she worries for us.
Part of being a Black mom is, unfortunately, society already expects the worst from us. It's so important to me to be the complete opposite of that. There were times for me where I got laid off and I didn’t want to be a statistic, I didn't want to walk into an unemployment agency, whereas I shouldn't feel that.
Also, the majority of the friends I've made since my daughter was born are white moms because of the demographic of where I live, and I feel like I have to out mom them. If it’s a bake sale, I'll sign up for three items. Sometimes, the other moms will say oh I'll sit this one out, but I never sit this one out. I was even embarrassed about being a single mom because that's another thing, another stigma for Black moms.
I am part of a group in Temecula where we have play dates at wineries. I've been in the group since my daughter was two and a half years old and I teach them lessons throughout the year about Black history. It’s draining sometimes and originally I was very militant and I said I'm not educating them, but now I'm at a place where I want to teach them since their children will be spending time with my daughter. They need to know they can’t touch my daughter’s hair, that being inclusive is important — if you see a Black child alone on the playground invite them into your world. Even if I make a difference in my circle it matters.”
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THE FUTURE?
“The world is going to try to stop you, it’s the way life works. Whether it's a career, entertainment, goals, that’s how it's designed and you have to be your biggest cheerleader. Looking at your friends or the world, you have to do the self-care to keep yourself going. As much as we want our partners to be our world or our friends, sometimes they fail.
Take time for you. It took me a while to realize the importance of that. I tell my daughter mommy needs mommy time; I can't be a good mom without having time for myself. I take days in a hotel once a month, a day to just compress and my parents watch after her. I usually sleep, journal, or sit by the pool. Being a single mom, I need those days and my parents are super helpful. Self-care is not just spa days, it’s really focusing on the internal aspect of yourself. Get help if you need it, get an unbiased third party.
Lastly, have fun, life is so short. A lot of times as Black women we get caught up in the advocacy and our white counterparts get a lot of slack; they have fun and do work later. I want her to take the time to laugh, have good girlfriends. I can't stress that enough — have good girlfriends. Some girls say I'm one of the guys, and sure, but have good girlfriends who will be there for you and who will be vulnerable. So many times in the Black community we put an emphasis on family to where you don't have friends outside of family, but sometimes there are things you can't tell your family. Surround yourself with strong women.”
~ Palette extends strength and love to the family and friends of Naya Rivera and to all the Black women lost through pregnancy and childbirth. ~